Purgatory

Early morning
And ready for work
A cup of tea, scone
Jeans, T-shirt, tatty hoodie
Glasses — single vision lenses

I wait and wonder
If I don’t go —
Don’t leave
Just stay
Here
Legs up
On the sofa —
What then

Soon
I’ll look for another job
Tiresome
Mindless
Pointless job

What job have I ever loved

Writing is living —
Sometimes
Even unpaid
Hours on PC
Writing
None paid

Being on the road —
Loading, driving
Unloading
Pushing, lifting
Scanning, stacking —
Pays

So I go
Leave

But where do I go
I am the same there
Few hundred miles away —
As here

With same thoughts
Doubts and hopes
To be back here

Now
I wait to be there
There
I wait to be here

Waiting
Is me
Me —
Can’t stop the waiting

Like river can’t stop
The flow —
Is the flow

Who knows
Who can tell
Who can find
Who can touch

I miss myself —
The fire
Passion
A time without worry —
If it ever was
A time without me

I miss life
I miss death