Purge

Life like sky —
Boundless
Stocked full
Of titillating, scintillating
Obscene and beguiling merchandise

Like a famished beggar
At a free buffet—
Grabbing that and this
With flimsy hands
Gorging my tiny mouth

In frenzy I run —
Stumbling, tripping, falling
Face-first

Hands and mouth filled
Pockets stuffed
Stomach swollen—
I can swallow no more
Yet my eyes stay starved —
Still chasing, searching
Ogling

Sickened by my hunger
Revolted by the sights
Certain now
That no sight, no bite
No touch, no hit
Will ever fill
The thirst in my eyes

Fallen —
I scream, yell and cry
I want it all but
I can’t have it
I want to want less
But I can’t

I want it to fulfil
To satiate—
But it won’t

What to do
Gouge my eyes
Or take out my heart

Thrashing, writhing, wailing—
I can’t breathe
Choke
Throw up
Violently purge
All I’ve gorged
From deep inside —
Every passage
Emptied out

Spent, I lie still
Eyes closed
Not wanting to see

Endless time passes
My breath steadies

I raise my head
Open my eyes —
And see

Not the mess I expected
But something else entirely —
A soup stretched far
As the eye can see

All that spilled out of me
Letters, words, stories, images —
Everything that had been
Within me

Quietly, slowly—
With steadied hands
I pick one
Then another—

Like a puzzle
Putting each piece together

I set out
To build
Heaven and earth