For Fuck's Sake

Why drown yourself
In deep, dark waters
Why not breathe
Light and air

What is it to drown
Every day
Why drown — why not give hope
Give hope

Why drag others down

Would you read this — these words
When —
When would you have read it
Would you have
When you were looking — searching
Would you have read each line
To find what —

Meaning
But what would you have got
From someone else’s
Shit
For himself
Not for you

Who writes
For others
All the stories written
For others
Or for oneself

A mother makes an omelette
For her child or for herself
I write —
For others
Or for myself

A cat purrs
Scratches her neck
Digs
For herself
For me

A tree fruits — fruit drops
For the ground, man, ant
Animals or birds

For who

Write for readers
What’s this nonsense
Every single pig
And his neighbour
Says this
Write with the reader
In mind

For

For someone —
The reader

I stack shelves
Do I do it
For the customer
For me, for the shop
To do my job
To get paid
Or for no one
Or just because I can
Because I am there
At the shop
To stack shelves, mop the floor
Or stand at the till

What is this
For

For the sake of what
Who the hell knows
What
These words
This word
And this word
And this

One

Is
For

I have no idea
Neither does any other
Person can
Ever have an idea
What these words
Are
For
Who these words
Are for

I most certainly don’t have
A clue
What these words
Are for

Who the earth can then
Tell
Tell what anyone
Anyone
Who ever wrote
A word or a book
Or uttered a word
Did it for

Does this word
Not come
For the sake of
The word that came before

This
Leads
To
This

Each new word — is for
Flows from
The previous one
Or from the one that comes after

Even that — is just another
For — trying to find a for

The one that came before and after
Don’t come to claim that
The one that came in the middle
Happened
For them

Nor does anyone ever
Pop out of my head and claim
That I wrote it for me
Nor can anyone else
Do so

So —
All this talk —
Is this not
Just talk

All these dialogues

Look
I gave my life —
Cooked the food
Earned money
Wrote this book
This word
This letter
For you

I write a letter
And don’t send it
Who is it for

And if it is sent
Does that very same letter then
Become
For the one
It gets sent to

And what if some bastard
Publishes that letter

Does it then become
For the world

Does that not happen
Has that not happened
People wrote
Books
Letters
Poems
And some do-gooder came along
And published
And now the world
Reads —

Did he or she
Write it for the world
Of course not

Did he not write it
For the world
Well, the world’s reading it
So it must have been for the world

But which one
First or the second

What if it is neither
What if there was no bastard writing
In the first place
And only writing

Do I inhale
For me
Or for the person next door

And exhale
Do I do it for me
For someone else
For the tree out there

Writing
Is this not the same

Write for others
Write for reader
Think about reader

Bullshit

Fuck everyone who says it
Think about what readers would think
Think about what others would think — would they like it
Or be offended

Let them be offended — or otherwise —
If anyone can be offended — slighted by words
Let them

I am not offending anyone
I don’t know who I am writing for
Why the fuck should anyone
Be offended
And believe
That I wrote it for them

If they believe it
That’s their problem
Is it not

You can’t write
What may offend

People are offended
You can’t even speak
Let alone write
But only that which pleases
Gives hope
Meaning and purpose

Bastards

You can’t even speak
Even when you have no idea
Who you are speaking for
Who you are writing for
You can’t

Not allowed to cry
If you want to cry
Cry somewhere where
No one hears it

Speak and write
Where no one hears it
Reads it
And then —
If it has value
For someone else
For you
Then give it — share it
Does it make sense

For
Means purpose
That
The smallest perceivable
Movement of a finger tip
Tapping of the key
On the keyboard
Twitching of the eyelid
Borborygmi
The slight pressure in your forehead
The air that comes out
And goes in
Through your nose and mouth
The word that gets written
Then erased

The bomb that gets dropped
The push that a mother makes
To deliver the child — the
Crash that happens
When a head
Hits the road
The ray of the sun
On this
Window

Each one
Of these innumerable
Constant
Bombardment of every single
Micro-nano-nano-second of
Perceivable
Happening — that can be
Verbalised
Or conceived
Is happening

For

Another thing
For a reason
For a purpose
To please
Displease
Complete
Or ruin
Construct or deconstruct
Some
Thing

That each thing that
Some human can lay their hands on
Their eyes and words
On

That each thing
Has an ulterior
Motive
Some motive that is
Hidden or obvious
That needs to be articulated
Found
Believed

That there is purpose
And meaning
And sense

Everything — every word
Every quark and atom and wave and particle
Should make sense
Has a purpose —
Meaning

And the reason
For the word, writing, speaking
Mouth, head and brain
Is to find that purpose
Find that meaning
And make sense

Of it all

Endless turning upon itself
And where does this thinking
Come from —

Religion

God made the world
For
Man

Or
Science
This is
For
That
And then

Everyone turned nuts

Including
Me
How many times have I not written
For, already
Hundred
A thousand times

For this is so
That is so
For

Fuck for —

All barking
Like a dog barks —
For food
For seeing an unfamiliar face
For seeing another dog
For the vocal cords
The air
The sun

For what
Why the fuck does a dog bark

For what purpose
Why do I write a word
Do I

Because
This
Or that

I have no fucking clue
Can I even say that
This
Is
A
Word

Or letter
Or some alien
Appearing on the page

Making sense of the senseless
Human
Tree
Universe

For nothing
Or something
For play or suffering
For itself or someone else
No one or someone

Who is asking
No one
Or someone
Or just

A sound
Echoing
Turning

Over and over
Upon itself