Collective Delusion
If I had money
I would do
This
And would not do
That
To say this
I must have
Life —
Or at least believe
I live
Or at least
That I am
Alive
In a world
Where I must do —
And can choose
To do or not do
Things
In other words
If I had money
Implies
I have choice
A choice
To be in this world —
Or not
A choice to do
Or not do
To not do
At all
And to have a choice
I must be
A subject
Choice belongs
To a subject —
Not an object
A table
Cannot choose
I — as subject —
Can
Or so I think
Feel
Believe
Repeatedly experience
But if I look closely —
Do I really choose
And what part of me
Do I refer to
When I say
I
Choose
Do I mean
My hand
My nose
My leg
My fingers
Or something else
Something else
I choose to move
My fingers, leg or arm —
So I think
Believe
The one who could
Or would
Or wouldn’t —
Is, I firmly believe
Some unseen
Unseeable
Part of me
That chooses
Instead of seeing myself
Objectively —
Like a sane person
Looking in a mirror —
Seeing what is there
As it appears
And seeing
That there isn’t
Any perceivable
Visible
Graspable
Or identifiable
Part of me
Which I refer to
As the one
Having a choice —
I place my faith
Belief
Confidence
And energy
In concocting
An invisible
Unverifiable
Unidentifiable
Ghost
And call it
I
That does
Could
Or would
Choose —
This or that
Is this sane
But —
If I said
All this
To someone
Who spoke of money
Of wanting
Of choice —
They’d say that the most
Verifiable
Straightforward
In your face
In-the-mirror
Facts —
Are nonsense
Too complex
Philosophical
Too hard
To understand and see
I’d be called
Crazy
Unhinged
Insane
But —
Is it me
Or them
Who is insane
Deluded
Reason reveals
In under two minutes —
That the one who
Claims
Believes
Feels
Experiences
Hopes and wishes
Dreams
Needs money
Or anything —
Who suffers
Feels pain
Or joy —
Is nowhere to be found
Never seen
Not once
In the whole
History of existence
Not in the mirror
Not in books or libraries
Not in labs
Not under a microscope
Not through a telescope
Not on this earth
Not under the sea
Not in heavens
Not anywhere, ever —
In the entire universe
And yet —
The entire world
The whole social structure
Cultures, civilisations
Museums, philosophies, science
Psychology, economics, politics —
Every living, breathing facet
Of human life —
Is built around
This fiction
An utter
Tragic
Laughable
And absurd
Fiction
This grotesque nonsense —
That there is someone —
Some quantity
Some quality
Some personhood
Individual
Essence
Self or
I
That chooses
That can choose
That must choose
This
Or that
What would
What could
An object
That has no such thing
In his physicality —
Nor can he ever find one —
Experience
When faced with such
A pervasive demand —
In every single
Word he hears
Every waking moment
Of ever hour
Of every day
Of life
Would that object —
That supposed individual
Person —
Not break
Not go insane
Not be divided
Against himself
Within himself
Not forced
To split himself
Into subject
And object —
Just
To cope
Just to breathe
To interact and live
With another
If he could —
He might escape
To a cave
Jungle or a mountain
Away from this relentless
Irrational
Fiction
Its unbearable
Burden
But he can’t run
He needs to survive
Live
And so —
He must
Split himself
Break himself
In two —
And live
And die
Broken
And if
That weren’t enough
Of an assault —
The society
Science
Psychology
Religion
Philosophy
And spirituality —
Has the audacity —
The audacity
Of a court
That convicts you
Sends you to prison
For disbelieving
In your own illusion —
Or of a surgeon
Who cuts you in half
Then insists
You were born
Split —
And demands
That you believe
The scar
Was always there
That you strip yourself
Of common sense
Disbelieve
Your own eyes
And reason —
And then —
Only then —
You can function
Be permitted
To survive
In this world —
As a split
Broken
Whole